Showgirls of The Hill

BY t. tara turk

Why are THESE women running for office and not for the screen?

Let's pretend that we can now accept that our POTUS (President of the United States) is being left alone to do his job and people are patient and letting him solve all the crazy shenanigans we got ourselves into years past. This gives us a chance to focus on the leading public office ladies of 2010 -2011 and what movies they should be in starring (instead of, of course, inserting themselves into our lives like the desperate ingenues they seem to be).

Sarah Palin - Are we done yet? Is the pig trying on new lipstick or something? Why are we still talking about her? What has she said that's new? Maybe there are millions of women who are indulging in their innocent girl crushes still and just can't shake that chemical she gives off but I'm immune so I'm unclear. I'm sure there are tons of right-winger-gosh-darn-Walmart-shopping women who would love for me to come to their side. What would it take? Sarah as The Lady in Red in the upcoming Tyler Perry movie. I mean why not? I would love for Sarah to tell us to kiss her backside with this "this note is attached to a plant/i've been waterin' since the day i met you/you may water it/ yr damn self." Bye, Sarah! Don't let the door hit you where the good spirit split you.

Christine O'Donnell - Seriously? I need some sort of Lisbeth Sandler (the researcher from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" for those of you non readers - and the movie is coming out to help you anyway) to figure out how Christine went from mildly amusing on the Bill Maher show to running for office. Every time she opens her mouth, an entertaining lie falls out. I mean if she were cooler she could be Allison (Ally Sheedy) from "The Breakfast Club" and we could be Clare (Molly Ringwald) and say to her "Every time you open your mouth, you dump all these tremendous lies all over me." And then we could do her make up so she could go off and meet her shrink or get a job to pay for her rent instead of her supporters doing it. Or on her way to bust the Chinese for trying to take over America.

Sharron Angle - This is a SNL skit, right? Perhaps she really does have a condition that makes her not remember that she said stuff when she did but then wouldn't she remember that we have modern equipment - like video and stuff - that tapes these things so that if she forgets, she can remember and be flabbergasted like we can.She needs a handler - like Eliza Dolittle in "Pygmalion" - "My Fair Lady" if you want to hear music. I'm doubtful Sharron can sing so I'll stick with watching endless scenes of her handler to trying to get her in tip top shape in time for her to have a real conversation with the rest of America.

I don't want to take away anyone's shine because these women, while making Shirley Chisolm turn in her grave, obviously have some kind of charisma to them. I just don't want them deciding my fate as a citizen of this country. My hope is that their circus band of handlers will actually keep sourcing them out as entertainment in another arena. This is the age of several careers so if not the movies - there's always the Sarah Palin line a Walmart, Christine O'Donnell as the writer of the next Jason Bourne series or Sharron Angle as a Girl Scout Troop leader. Who wouldn't buy cookies from a lady with amnesia?

****************************************************************************

"I'm not the only one who can see "types" in the polls. You can check out the NY Times article below:"

With O’Donnell as Foil, Democrat Plays It Safe By Frank Bruni

****************************************************************************

T. Tara Turk's fiction has appeared in African Voices, Exit the Apple and the international anthology X24. Her plays have appeared at New Federal Theater, Ensemble Studio Theater and the Actor’s Studio.  Her screenplays have been featured in such festivals as Reel Sisters, BHERC and on BETJ. Contact her at scruffdiva[at]gmail.com.