Alas, Poor Brandy, We Knew You Kinda...

BY t. tara turk

ABC

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars unless I know at least half of the people going in. This time around though I was game since there was my homegirl in my head, Jennifer Grey (from one of the best movies ever in life "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"). I haven't kept up with homegirl Jennifer but I think she grew up and had a kid or something. I definitely know she changed her nose and now she's unrecognizable but somehow that Baby In A Corner twinkle is still going strong.

Now, I'm not a HUGE Brandy fan as I feel like she will always be Moesha as Moesha is Brandy and then that, becomes a vicious circle, I don't have time for. Brandy's music is just kind of okay (I rate this by saying "Hmmm...if this person is in concert, do I run/walk/or ignore the announcement?" I would probably ignore a Brandy concert as part of me feels like it would be ripe with a whole bunch of people drinking Hennessey, sweating in their good clothes, talking loud and not listening to the music. When you pay money for live music, that's a fail.

Adam Larkey, AP

I curse the day I ever found out who Bristol Palin was and still curse anything remotely related to that family and their passive aggressive meanness towards, well, everyone but themselves. She's still a young woman so I won't diss but I do know she can't dance and that's okay because I can't sing. But I'm not on American Idol. Herein my problems with all of these shows: are they for the talent or are they popularity contests? Like I said, Brandy is not my friend in the head so I'm not going to the mat for her but I do know she can dance better than Bristol Palin (and apparently so does the guy who shot at the television when Bristol made it to the finals). 

Anytime the word "Stars" is in the title of a show, you know there aren't any. "Stars" on TV usually means formerly famous people who fell to the waste side somehow and need to get their careers back on track. There. Now, that's out of the way, we can fully acknowledge that Bristol Palin is not a star. She is a daughter and a mom and hopefully bound for more education. Why is she on this show? Why did you people vote for her?

I'm going to say "you people" meaning all of you who have voting powers - be it online, phone, texting or at the ballot box - because you all are starting to scare me a bit. Your voting is becoming strong for shows like this and weak where your ancestors sort of died for you to go vote for things that matter like government. Do you need the candidates to dance a rumba for you to vote for elections? If so, let the powers that be know that because they're eager for you to help get back on track.

Now, I'm not weeping for Brandy. I'm almost sure she'll be fine. Even my homegirl in the head, Jennifer Grey, is going to be great as she can squeeze out a workout clothing line or two from this appearance. But we've fudged the lines when you start voting for Bristol Palin to stay on TV and not for Congress to pass legislation.  I'm almost tempted to put you all on punishment. No TV until 2012.

T. Tara Turk's fiction has appeared in African Voices, Exit the Apple and the international anthology X24. Her plays have appeared at New Federal Theater, Ensemble Studio Theater and the Actor’s Studio.  Her screenplays have been featured in such festivals as Reel Sisters, BHERC and on BETJ. Contact her at scruffdiva[at]gmail.com.